rubber meets the road

10:13 PM 5/29/2007

Since it's not a good idea to change everything at once, we've taken the approach of selecting priorities. Currently, we are focusing on relationships.

Sure, we want to eliminate the contention in our home, we want to be helping our children get to the 'Love of Learning' stage of TJ Ed, and we want JP to eat his spaghetti without slurping loudly, but we need to go about change in a smart way.

Recently, I came to my wits end and told JE that I needed help being a parent. Upon a recommendation, we got "Let's Fix the Kids," which is really all about fixing the parents. Great program and it's very engaging to listen to. I tend to be right-brained about things and this program (set of CDs) really spoke to me. Much of what I learned there is taught in the TJ Ed methodology. TJ Ed frames the principles, however, from an education perspective. What I recently discovered was I was applying principles in a half-hearted way. Without a good heart, applying the principles ends up being like putting on band-aids for a wound that needs stitches.

With heart being the key, we are focusing on our relationships with our children. Sure there's still school, church responsibilities, and other matters to deal with, but our focus is on our children.

Today: JE held a devotional (during breakfast) to set the tone for the day. Then there was a trip to the park and some shopping that lasted until ~2pm. JE was tuckered out and the kids were still full of energy, however RE slept for a good 2 hours. When I got home, we had dinner and then we went outside to do some yard work. The kids (especially MC) love being outside. I can tell it's going to take some creativity to involve the kids in an engaging way. I started weeding the garden with JA; she didn't have any gloves so she didn't work with me for very long. MC spent his time watering... everything. He does have a fascination with water. TD worked on the bald patches in the grass; perhaps I should have stopped what I was doing and spent my time helping him. After all, the main purpose isn't really the yard work; it's building relationships with my children.

The sun started setting and we gathered the tools. TD wiped his muddy shoes all over the front door mat, the porce and the sidewalk. We're in the middle of selling our home right now and image is still a factor. I calmly took 5 minutes to wash it all down while the mud was still wet. I gathered the weeds back in the bucket that MC had dumped earlier when I wasn't looking. There's no need to get upset over that when we're focusing in on positive memories with our kids. Then comes my favorite part: family reading time. We read until the kids get tired and want to go to bed. Ok, they still have lots of energy, but the time we spend with them during that time has a lot of good. We let them choose the books they want to read and we have a supply of graham cookies on hand. TD and JP get out a paper and pencil and draw while JE or I read. Sometimes the two even do the reading themselves.

Our goal for the next 3 weeks is to strengthen and build the relationships we have with our kids. So far, so good.